Connection, and Loss

I connected again with an old girlfriend today. A girlfriend, from so long ago that "girlfriend" meant little more than mutual crush. She seems to be doing well, married with two kids.

I'm still coming to grips with the fact that children don't seem to be in the cards for me. Sometimes it seems that life is really just the process of coming to grips with loss. Loss of relationships, loss of people, loss of dreams we once held precious; all these things we lose. I suppose we could choose to view this in some sense of personal evolvement, that we are being stripped down to our essence, to the things that truly matter. Or, in the attitude I have increasingly taken as I grow older, it doesn't "mean" anything. It's just what happens.

In Summation

There is, ultimately, nothing.

Life's Length

All we ever have is an instant.

The Biggest Chance

Life is fragile, and death is a certainty. We weigh our options, and take chances. Refusing to take chances means fewer aches, pains, and breaks in the short term. But living this way is really just slow death. If we take no chances, we gain no rewards, and this is much greater tragedy than risking an untimely death.

Special, I'm Special

My hostess is cooking corn bread and home fries with our dinner. Just because I like them. In the immensity of existence, perhaps it's silly that I feel so delighted, so loved and pampered at that.

But I do. And I'm thankful.

A Stark Truth

For some, regret comes an instant too late.

Glimmer

It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness- Eleanor Roosevelt.

Lavatory

Every Little Thing Counts.

Alcohol

There is not enough alcohol in the world to relieve the pain of living. Seeking refuge in it cannot then be the answer.

Life, Worth Living

This is about the fullness of existence. There are many things in life and the universe. They seem good or bad, but that is only our perception. Reality is, and we, or our genetic and cultural programming, choose how to view it.

Regardless, we are "inside our eyes". We are individually responsible for living the life we want to have. I have failed at this. I have made small, hesitant steps. I have done some things others in my family and friends have not dared to do, but I have not gone far enough. I have not been brave enough, true enough to myself. This changes now.

Thoreau said "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them." I will go to the grave, as we all will. But I will make the most of that time. Don't expect a lot of philosophical whining here, as I have found that it is too easy to substitute talk for life. Just expect life, with the pedal held to the floor.